Feb 16 2010

Spam! Not the delicious canned stuff.

Published by Yip under Voices

So I get to the office this morning and turn on the computer.  (It’s about the only thing I’m able to ‘turn on’ lately.  Poor Yip.  Poor, poor Yip.)

I check Geekfest while waiting for my email to download.  After a few minutes I go to the email file.  There they are; 37 emails.  37!  WTF?!  I’ve never gotten 37 emails at one time.  Not even when I advertise for free sexual favors on Craigslist.

(In fact, when I do that, the only responses I get are along the lines of, ‘Yip, go away.  Ain’t nobody interested in whatever it is you’re giving away.’)

So I’m thinking, ‘Damn!  37 emails!  I’m popular all of a sudden!’

I look at the mail.  They’re all EXACTLY the same!
All 37….exactly the same.

Something like:  Cialis Soft-Tabs now available!  By mail!  PharmCo is proudly announcing  this limited-time offer for YOU, Yip!  Your erectile dysfunction will be a thing of the past!

My first thought is, ‘How the hell did PharmCo know?’

(It’s not true, by the way.  I can get… *ahem*… ‘excited’ just thinking about Officer Malone.  Or that Italian dude on the luge in Vancouver.)

Damn.  37 emails, not one of them is legit.  I ain’t so popular after all.    Spam, I think is what it’s called.

Do people actually fall for this shit?!  I certainly don’t.

Oh!  The postman is finally here!  Hope he has my Cialis order.

Related posts:

Her name was Lisa. (This is a repeat)

Monday 'blahs' at the office

Enough chili for every man, woman and child in Ohio. With some left over.

Summer, 2009 D.W. - One of the BEST!

My Perfect Murder.

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Add this post to Delicious Delicious

Submit this post to Digg Digg

Add this post to Google Bookmarks Google Bookmarks

Submit this post to Reddit Reddit

Submit this post to Slashdot Slashdot

Submit this post to Stumbleupon Stumbleupon

Add this post to Technorati Favorites Technorati Favorites

Add this post to Yahoo MyWeb Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Spam! Not the delicious canned stuff. (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

No responses yet

Dec 05 2009

Her name was Lisa. (This is a repeat)

Published by Yip under Voices

In a break from my usual inane rantings……..

~~~~~~~~~

30 years ago this month:

My roommate at the time, Mark, had been out of town. ‘Yip, I’m coming in tomorrow night. Plane gets in about 10:00. Can you pick me up at the airport? Use my car. The keys are on the hook in the kitchen.’

About 9:15 I hop into Mark’s bright yellow VW and head for the airport. It’s a nice, warm evening. Lots of moonlight, not much traffic. I pick Mark up at the gate and we head back to his Midtown, K.C. house. At that time, there was not a lot of development between downtown K.C. and the airport. It was pretty much farmland with an occasional old drive-in motel.

We’re driving along, talking about California, the flight back, how many drinks Mark had indulged in, the lousy airline food, (back then they still served food),
when an old pickup truck sped by us. Must have been doing at least 80 mph.

‘Oh! Babycakes is in a hurry!’ said Mark.

A few minutes later, we round a bend of the highway. There’s something up ahead that just doesn’t look ‘right’.

I slow down a little.

‘What’s going on up here?’

There are car headlights pointing at us, but…..there’s something different….something….out of the ordinary.

Then it hits me.
The headlights are vertical. One above the other, about 3 feet apart. Not horizontal, like they should be.

Oh shit! There’s been a wreck.
It’s a car off the side of the road, on its side, pointing in the opposite direction of traffic flow.

I pull over, even with the overturned vehicle, which is about 30 yards away from the highway. A taxi pulls up behind us. Dust is flying everywhere, dimming the moonlight. The wreck has just happened. I get out of Mark’s car and yell to the cab driver,
‘Can you call the police with your radio?’
‘I already have.’ he says, getting out of the cab. We both trot down to the overturned vehicle, with Mark not far behind us.

It’s the pickup truck that had sped passed us moments earlier, apparently going too fast to negotiate the curve in the highway. I approach the cab of the pickup, hoping to find someone in there not too banged up. There’s nothing in the truck.

I hear the cab driver, who’s at the back end of the pickup, ‘Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy!’

I run to the back of the pickup.

She’s there, crushed under the bed of the truck. Her body is covered by the truck from her stomach on down. All we can see is her upper torso and head, with her arms stretched out above her face.
She’s dead.
Apparently thrown out during the wreck, the truck rolling on top of her.

The cab driver pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, unfolded it and placed it over her face. Her eyes were half open, a blank stare. She was pretty. Shoulder-length reddish hair, a few strands floating in the still dusty breeze.
The cab driver gently took one of her hands and cupped it in his as he prayed, ‘Dear God, take this child of yours………..’

The police and ambulance showed up a few minutes later. The three of us gave our view of what had happened. We all had tears in our eyes.

Mark and I didn’t talk much on the way back to his house. We stayed up late, stared at the walls and drank Scotch.

A couple of days later I found her obituary in the paper.
Her name was Lisa.
I think of her often.

And of the cab driver.

Related posts:

Monday 'blahs' at the office

Enough chili for every man, woman and child in Ohio. With some left over.

Summer, 2009 D.W. - One of the BEST!

My Perfect Murder.

Is this enough barley? Better add some more…….

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Add this post to Delicious Delicious

Submit this post to Digg Digg

Add this post to Google Bookmarks Google Bookmarks

Submit this post to Reddit Reddit

Submit this post to Slashdot Slashdot

Submit this post to Stumbleupon Stumbleupon

Add this post to Technorati Favorites Technorati Favorites

Add this post to Yahoo MyWeb Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Her name was Lisa. (This is a repeat) (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

No responses yet

Nov 10 2009

Monday ‘blahs’ at the office

Published by Yip under Voices

I’m finding it extremely difficult to get motivated today. Usually, I can go back into the deep, dark bowels of the office and find someone to yell at, and that gives me a quick pick-me-up.

You know, things like, ‘What the HELL are you doing?’
or ‘Why haven’t you finished that yet? You think I’m paying you to sit on your ass and smoke cigarettes and drink coffee?!’
or ‘Who do you think you are, putting those files over there?!’ (even if - - especially if - - that’s where the files are supposed to go.)

I even went into Luthereen’s office to make fun of her. (Not Luthereen Flynn in Purchasing, because I’m scared of her, and not Luthereen Willis in Receiving. She’s too new for tomfoolery. And not Luthereen Morgan in Advertising. I’m afraid she’d walk out.) It was Luthereen McIntyre over in Research and Development. She’s always an easy target. Just the right kind of ‘look’ at her and she’ll burst into tears!

Well shit!
I walk into her office, and there she is with a big, half-empty bottle of Pinot Noir. ‘Luthereen, you look like hell today. Where did you get that thing you call a dress?’
She glared at me, a little bit of wine dribbling from the corner of her mouth, and shouted, ‘Bring it on, bitch!’
I decided discretion was the better part of valor, so I left her office.

Then I ventured over to Otisette’s cubicle. (Not Otisette Williams in Accounts Payable, not Otisette Meyers in Bindery, not Otisette Phillips in the Pressroom, but Otisette Eckersly in Data Processing - the gal with one blue eye and one green eye.) I started singing Don’t it Make My Brown Eyes Blue. That usually gets her going. She arched her back like a cat, spit on the floor and yelled, ‘Damn you! Damn you, you simpering little faerie!’ Then she threw her stapler at me.

I think they’re upset because I shortened their lunch hour to 45 minutes.

I was looking in the Suggestion Box last week. Two suggestions, unsigned: ‘Shove that new lunch policy up your ass, fella.’ and ‘Have you ever chugged a pint of bourbon in 45 minutes? Barely enough time to even taste it!’
There was also one of those notes with letters clipped from magazines: ‘ONE HOUR for lunch, or somebody will PAY’

The one saving grace this morning was going to CletusAnne’s office. (Not CletusAnne Worthington in Building Maintenance, not CletusAnne Simmons in the Cafeteria, but CletusAnne Ritter in Promotions.) She had just made a big bowl of rum punch.
‘CletusAnne, this needs a bunch more rum for it to be any good.’
Her lip quivered a little, ‘Oh, sir, I’m……I’m sooooo sorry! I’ll try to do better next time. Please……I’m sorry, really!’

It brought a smile to my face. This afternoon will be better, I’m sure.

Related posts:

Enough chili for every man, woman and child in Ohio. With some left over.

Summer, 2009 D.W. - One of the BEST!

My Perfect Murder.

Is this enough barley? Better add some more…….

One man's crap is another man's……….crap. But it's free!

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Add this post to Delicious Delicious

Submit this post to Digg Digg

Add this post to Google Bookmarks Google Bookmarks

Submit this post to Reddit Reddit

Submit this post to Slashdot Slashdot

Submit this post to Stumbleupon Stumbleupon

Add this post to Technorati Favorites Technorati Favorites

Add this post to Yahoo MyWeb Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Monday 'blahs' at the office (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

No responses yet

Next »